This past week, since the voting began for #SYTYCW2012 (So You Think You Can Write 2012), I have come to realize several things about myself:
1. Yes, I will absolutely do whatever is necessary to win this competition because I believe in my ability. I KNOW that I can write, and I do it damn well. I can actually SEE it taking me somewhere now, whereas I never really felt that way before. Before, it was a foggy dream, an aspiration, a some-day, maybe so kind of dream. No longer.
2. Yes, I will promote my work. Yes, I will shamelessly beg and plead for votes. Yes, I will send reminder emails and spam-like emails to people I hardly know in order to get votes and to go forward in the competition all while apologizing profusely for having to do so. Yes, I will tweet more in a week than I have the entire time I've had my Twitter account. And, yes, I will even withstand the sneers of other trying-to-be authors for doing, repeatedly, all of the above.
But I have, and I will, hate every minute of it because I HATE the feeling that now everyone knows my business. The thought of facing everyone -- figurativly speaking, of course -- if I don't make it, is utterly crushing. Oh, the agony of the embarrassment of such a public failure will be gut wrenching. Nauseating and horrifying all rolled into one.
For once, I think, there will be no words.